I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
