I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the day after is always just damage control
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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