I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
