Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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