Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
