"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
