Don't make out with my wife yet
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
