I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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