What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i think i just lost a toe
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
