I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
