Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
