NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
