its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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