Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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