I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
