Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
