It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
