peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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