make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
