I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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