somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
and you fell through a lawn chair
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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