This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
