Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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