I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
