I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
