I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
