you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
