i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
