Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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