Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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