just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
