if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
