dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
