I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
