woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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