She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
