yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
