i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
