My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
