so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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