i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
