Soap is not a condiment
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
3pm strippers are depressing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
