I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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