You're completely useless in the revolution.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
