Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
