quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
