Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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