I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
