oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
