listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
