there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
