I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
