Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
